Meet Einscow.
The cow who does the math
The misfit cow who's obsessed with math. He ran the numbers on grass consumption, got bored, and moved to finance.
Most retirement calculators do one multiplication. Einscow builds a simulation of your entire life — income, taxes, housing, investments, Social Security — year by year, from now to 100.
Before there was capital, there was cattle.
The word "capital" comes from the Latin caput — head. Head of cattle. For thousands of years, wealth wasn't measured in dollars or gold. It was measured in livestock.
The word "pecuniary" — meaning financial — comes from pecus, Latin for herd. "Fee" comes from the Old English feoh, meaning cattle. Even "stock market" originally meant a place to trade livestock.
We thought that was a pretty good idea.
Most retirement calculators ask for three numbers, do one multiplication, and tell you if you're rich enough to stop working. That's not very useful.
Einscow does something different. He builds a simulation of your entire financial life — year by year, from now to age 100. Income that rises and falls. Mortgages that get paid off. Tax brackets that shift. Social Security that kicks in. Portfolios that rebalance.
Then you can ask "what if." What if I buy a house? Move to a different state? Max out my 401k? Retire early? What if the market crashes?
Why a cow?
Because wealth has always been cattle. Because "cash cow" isn't just an expression. Because a goofy Einstein cow with his tongue out isn't trying to sell you anything.
Who built this?
Einscow is a product of Kashkoo — which, yes, sounds like "cash cow." We just built the retirement simulator we wished existed.
